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Grinch Candidates

Events for Olde Tyme Christmas, Friday, Dec. 7, are shaping up.

One of the popular events is the annual Grinch Contest. It is an event in which every citizen of Oelwein can participate, from toddler to centenarian.

Community-minded “volunteers” agree to be nominated for the coveted “Grinch” title by campaigning to see which candidate can garner the most votes. Voting will all be counted by the numbers of canned food and non-perishable items that are donated for each candidate. Each food item counts as one vote, so if you donated three cans of beans, that counts as three votes. Persons may vote as many times as they like.

Votes can be cast for the Grinch candidates at their work locations: Bob Bouska, East Penn Manufacturing, Cindy Miller, Veridian Credit Union, the Rev. Josh Schunk, Zion Lutheran Church, Melissa Franzen, Oelwein Middle School, and Brian Irvine, Ken’s Electric.

The Grinch voting began Nov. 1 and will continue until noon on Thursday, Dec. 6, so the Grinch Committee has time to tally all of the votes. Last year’s contest was a record-breaker for the local food banks, but candidates are confident that this year will be another record-setting event.

Area residents can expect to see the five candidates pulling out all the stops in their campaign for the Grinch “crown.” Past contests have included videos on facebook, twitter, etc., stumping from the pulpit, service desks, loudspeakers, and lunchrooms.

While there can only be one true Grinch winner from this contest, the real winners will be the local food banks that will benefit from all the votes cast.

The 2018 Grinch will be “crowned” at 7 p.m. Friday, Dec. 7, in the Oelwein Community Plaza, as part of the Olde Tyme Christmas events, and will ride in the Parade of Lights at 8 p.m.

The Candidates

Bob Bouska

Some reasons why I would make a good Grinch:

Please consider the following reasons for this season

I can be a bit grouchy, much like the Grinch

Making scowling faces is really a cinch

My skin may not be all hairy and green

But my demeanor is quite snarly and mean

The Grinch lays his head at Mount Crumpit to rest

Living outside the village is what I like best

I do have a dog, his name is Jacks

And he is much nicer and smarter than that little dog Max

My heart can be changed much like the Grinch

If only my Who-Friends donate a pinch

Maybe Christmas perhaps, means so much more

But please cast your vote with a gift from the store

I will not steal your presents, trees, or feast

So casting your vote for me, it‘s what you should do in the least

If you are wondering how to help a Whoville Friend

Your gifts can be dropped off up at East Penn.

The true gift of Christmas came from above

I hope you find it in your hearts to give blessings of love.

Cindy Miller

Many of you in the Oelwein community know a happy-go-lucky lady by the name of Cindy L. (Wissler) Miller, otherwise known as Cindy-Lou Who Miller.

During the holiday season, Cindy can usually be found sporting a bright, beaming smile while working from her office at Veridian Credit Union. Cindy’s office is decorated with snowman galore, and she unconsciously hums Christmas carols and spreads Christmas cheer to everyone she meets!

CINDY IS A BORN “CINDY-LOU WHO”; she absolutely, undeniably, indisputably adores Christmas with her whole heart! Cindy gushes at the first fallen snow, she buys Christmas presents 12 months of the year, she volunteers throughout the community, and she decorates her own home for a huge Christmas feast!

HOWEVER, SOMETHING ABOUT THE 2018 CHRISTMAS SEASON IS DIFFERENT---A FRIGHTFUL, TERRIBLE TRANSFORMATION HAS COME OVER CINDY! It appears she has started to question the spirit of the season and she does not seem so very Cindy-Lou Who-ish in her recent attitude about Christmas. In fact, it almost seems that her once big heart might actually be shrinking and that she might be in danger of turning into the worst Grinch ever!

When the first snow fell, she hastily closed her window blinds, gave a grumpy, grinchy grunt, then slammed her door shut.

THIS HALLOWEEN, instead of giving her who-Halloween candy away to fellow whos, she dumped her pumpkin of treats in the trash! She said she is serving her family moldy leftovers out of the back of the fridge instead of cooking a who-turkey! Most recently, she dumped the names from the Secret Santa who-hat and replaced them with a spiny cactus, a slippery eel, smelly garlic, and a greasy black banana peel! What a grinchy trick!

Finally, this morning, we found her scowling in the bathroom mirror, plucking GREEN HAIR after GREEN HAIR from her head. She growled, her fingers nervously drumming, “I hate Christmas! It’s practically here! I’m tired of the greediness, the commercial fanfare! Everyone wants, wants, wants, WANTS! What has happened to the giving? I think I will ruin Christmas this year! How about THAT for a new beginning?!”

You’re a mean one, Mrs. Miller! What is happening? Cindy is acting so very Grinch-like! Please, fellow Who-Oelweinvillites, you can see this is urgent! Our Cindy-Lou Who has lost her Christmas spirit! She needs everyone’s support to turn her sad state around! Please give her your vote, show her you care! Show her that Christmas is not just about presents! Show her that Christmas doesn’t come from a store, show her that Christmas means a little bit more!

 

The Rev. Josh Schunk

Can you believe stores already have Christmas decorations for sale?

Can you believe that you can walk around and smell that pine tar odor even before the Halloween decorations are off the shelves?

Can you believe there are radio stations that are already playing Christmas music?

Neither can I. People should not celebrate Christmas in October. Don’t people know that the real 12 days of Christmas come after Christmas, not before.

Christmas trees should be decorated right before you go to church on Christmas Eve. Christmas decorations should not be hung until after the children open their presents. Christmas music should not be on the radio until December 25th. That is when the celebration begins!

I have been called many things by my family and friends. They have referred to me as Ebenezer Scrooge. They have told me that I am mean and not nice. They have told me that I need to get over it, and I need to stop being such a Grinch about my feelings about Christmas and how we celebrate it.

Now, you can affirm their feelings. If you think that Christmas music should be played before December 25th, if you have bought Christmas decorations already, or if you have already begun your Christmas shopping, you can tell me I am a Grinch by voting for me. I promise I will not let you down.

Melissa Franzen

Seven years ago, in towns we had lived for a while,

We moved to a new place to live our grinchy lifestyle.

No more smiling, or fun, or trying to look pretty,

“To Oelwein!” the Franzen’s said, “that will be our new city!”

Now that the Franzen’s have kids of their own,

They wish their house was a Christmas free-zone.

With the trees, and stockings and cookies to munch,

Then add in the presents, oh they hate it a bunch!

Their kids watch Christmas cartoons all the time,

If Mrs. Franzen were Grinch, she’d make that a crime!

Her kids insist on seeing the big man in red,

But she tells them both “No!” and sends them to bed.

Mrs. Franzen teaches band at Oelwein Middle School

And teaches a bunch of kids who think they are cool.

They play their instruments too good and too loud,

And when they perform, they make everyone proud.

They practice their Christmas music before Halloween,

Hearing that dreaded Christmas music makes her face green.

The sickness builds up when she hears the sleigh bells

“But it’s only 6 weeks until concerts!” her 6th grade band yells.

“I don’t care, it’s too much!” she shouts at them all

As she throws her baton across the band hall.

“We must stop all this festive music, my ears cannot take it,

We cannot rehearse any more, we’ll just have to fake it!”

On Monday, December 3 on the Williams Center stage

Come witness the ruckus that fills her with rage.

And if you’re like her students, full of holiday glee,

Bring with you a food item to fulfill her Grinch destiny!

Come out and cast your vote for Mrs. Franzen for Grinch,

With your help, she’ll become Grinch in a cinch!

Help her heart grow three sizes this holiday,

Bring your donation to any school building and be on your way!

Brian Irvine

Brian Irvine is the owner of Ken’s Electric Inc., husband to Wendy Irvine, father of 3 children, assistant wrestling coach to many Oelwein Husky Wrestlers and most of all HATES CHRISTMAS!

He has no time to waste on fun, presents, or family gatherings and finds it “shocking” that people actually LIKE the holiday season!

If Brian had any wish in the world, it would be to cancel Christmas. He would “short circuit” those Christmas lights that make him want to “blow a fuse!” His favorite presents would be LESS family gatherings, MORE time working and much HARDER wrestling practices. His workers and wrestlers should only be working hard all the time.

So please vote and bring your can goods to Ken’s Electric Inc. or he will “take you down” and “zap you!” With your help, perhaps you can “spark” Brian’s Christmas spirit back into the “main current” this year!